Do you know that feeling? Everything’s actually fine. You’re in good health. Work’s going as usual. You’re quite successful, and you’re making enough money. There are no major worries – and yet, right now, your life just doesn’t feel quite right. You can’t quite put your finger on why yet. But deep down, there’s a longing for change.
If this resonates with you and you’d like to explore this longing, please feel free to use the following four guiding questions:
4 key questions for greater authenticity in your life
- What do I really want in my life?
- Who is truly important to me in my life, and why?
- What gives me energy? What takes energy away from me?
- What specific changes will I make to my daily routine over the next 21 days?
Question 1: What do I really want in my life??
The key word in this question is „really“. Not: What should I want? Not: What is expected of me? But: What do I want? I?
What sort of life did you always dream of as a child? What did you want to experience? What did you want to become?
Many people haven’t asked themselves this question for years – either because everyday life leaves no room for it, or because the answer might involve a major change and, with it, uncertainty. But as long as you don’t answer it, you risk failing to make decisions that come from the heart and living a life that doesn’t truly reflect who you are and your deepest aspirations.
Set aside 20 minutes of undisturbed time and write freely about what a harmonious day in your life would look like, without letting your current situation hold you back. Where do you wake up? How do you spend your time? With whom? As you write, focus less on the facts and more on the feeling: where does it warm your heart? What you’re writing – what feels light? Where do the thoughts just bubble up? There lies a trail to your true self.
If you tend to work in a more creative way, you could also make a collage. If you’re more of a mind-map sort of person, then use that. To help your thoughts flow, use whichever method works best for you.
Example: What do I really want out of life?
Max loves taking photographs. As a child, he wanted to be a football star. He also loves walking through the woods with his dog for hours on end – with no particular destination in mind and losing all sense of time.
He likes having lots of people around him and loves whizzing down the mountains on his mountain bike.
His job as a buyer no longer fulfils him. The only thing that fascinates him is negotiating. And he’s really good at it. He manages to secure excellent terms, yet everyone leaves the negotiating table feeling as though they’ve won.
Question 2: Who is truly important to me in my life, and why?
This question helps you to take a closer look at your relationships. Above all, your relationship with yourself. In what ways do your relationships with other people feel easy and carefree? In what ways do they restrict you? Who do you spend time with simply because a voice inside you tells you that you have to? Where on the list does your name appear?
Identify the people who are truly close to your heart and ask yourself why that is. What do they give you? What qualities do they bring to your life?
Then ask yourself: „What if I already possessed all these qualities within myself and simply had to bring them to the surface – who would be left?“
Once you’ve identified these people, take an honest look at the past month and ask yourself: how much time and energy did I actually devote to them? The difference between the two lists will show you very clearly where your life has become unbalanced and who you should make more time for in future.
Example: Who is truly important to me in my life, and why?
To begin with, Max jotted down a whole lot of names. He has a large circle of friends. But when asked „why“, all he can come up with is „because it’s always been that way“. Max has never really thought about why he spends time with these people.
But when he thinks about it more carefully now, he realises that he’s never really fully present at these meetings. He’s just there – physically, that is. Mentally, he’s often a world away.
Question 3: What gives me energy?? What drains my energy?
This question will help you to shift your priorities and, in the long run, let go of everything that drains your energy. After all, things that drain your energy do not come from your heart and are not in keeping with your very essence.
Your body has already recognised this and is diverting energy away from these things to signal to you that a change is needed. Listen to your body and think about what decisions you can make right now to free up more time and space for the things that give you energy.
Energy drainers aren’t always the obvious things. Sometimes it’s beliefs such as „I mustn’t say no“ or „I have to please everyone“ that sap our energy in the background and block your potential.
Keep a simple energy log for a week. Each evening, make a note in two columns: What gave me energy today? What drained my energy? Make sure to include food in your observations. After seven days, you’ll start to see patterns – and these patterns provide a concrete starting point for change. The way out of a rut begins by reducing or letting go of a single energy drain altogether.
Question 4: What specific changes will I make to my daily routine over the next 21 days??
The first three questions offer valuable insights into where you can change your behaviour in order to get closer to yourself and your true self. However, awareness alone is not enough to bring about change. You need to change the way you act.
And here’s my clear recommendation for you: Pick one thing and stick to it consistently for 21 days. Perhaps to start with, you could choose something that takes no more than 1–2 minutes a day to do. It could also be something that doesn’t require any extra time at all, but simply involves changing a ritual you’ve grown fond of – for example, having breakfast first and then drinking your coffee, or taking a moment in the morning to consciously tune into your body before you get up. Or you could take a different route to the office than usual.
The important thing is that the change is gentle, and that with that gentleness, joy can also take hold. It’s not about achieving even more. It’s about making your life flow more smoothly through small changes that come from the heart. Perhaps your body can be a good source of inspiration for you in this, signalling which changes would do it good. Follow that intuition.
Have fun on your journey!
If You realise: I can’t get anywhere on my own here
These four key questions are a powerful starting point. And at the same time, I know from almost 20 years of supporting people through change processes that sometimes questions alone are not enough. Namely, when old patterns and limiting beliefs keep getting in the way – when you know what you want but can’t seem to take action.
Coaching is there to provide you with a sparring partner in situations like these, someone who also motivates you to keep going. And if you decide to work with me, we won’t just look at the symptoms, but always at the root cause. That’s what really brings about change in your life.
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